Englischer Cover letter

[Katrien]

Hallo, ich habe mir mal meinen CoverLetter sturkturiert. Kann jemand mal schauen,ob es von der Grammatik und Aufgbau stimmig ist?
Lieben dank



Date

Adress


Dear Mr or Mrs.xxxxx

In response to your advertisement in the xxx, I would like to be considered for the xxx Assistant position.

In July 2009 I finished my college as Assistant for Economy and Forgeign Languages. Today I dispose of MS Office, Economy and three languages. Currently I am working in the Call Center of TUIfly to obtain first job experience, but I want to change my career. I am a teamplayer and I like to work in teams and want to be responsible fo different kind of things-mainly I want tobring my strength into your comapny: my language skills

As you will see from my CV I lived in many countries where I could developp my languge skills. In Israel I worked on a Kibbuz, in the Netherlands I studied speech therapy where we worked in groups and had to present the results in Dutch. In France I was a kind of a manager of a little french family and I organised the daily life. During my trainee at the college, I did an internship in Shanghai where I workd as a foreign language assistant at LIDA Polytechnics Institute. LIDA is an Amercian-Chinese College where I worked on a target group analysis for the marketing department. In that time I could receive a first impression of the Chinese-American working world and I was a helpful assistant for their research of the European market.

I possess an especially well-developed talent for communication and for dealing with people. If you are looking for a high motivated, flexible, open minded, language talented and marketing interested assistant I will be the right person for you team.

For further information, please feel free to contact me at anytime. I greatly appreciate your interest and I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Kindly Regards

[wombat]

Mein Englisch ist leider nicht mehr taufrisch aber da fallen schon ein paar Fehler auf und ich würde dir auch empfehlen hier und da mal ein Synonym von "work" zu verwenden. Ob's inhaltlich passt muss dir jemand sagen der sich mit englischen Bewerbungen auskennt. Mir klingt es nicht nach einem Bewerbungsschreiben von jemandem der englische Sätze locker aus dem Ärmel schüttelt, sondern eher nach einer stellenweise recht holprigen Übersetzung aus dem Deutschen. Aber vielleicht täusche ich mich auch, wie gesagt, mein Englisch ist nicht mehr das was es mal war

Zitat von Katrien

Hallo, ich habe mir mal meinen CoverLetter sturkturiert. Kann jemand mal schauen,ob es von der Grammatik und Aufgbau stimmig ist?
Lieben dank



Date

Adress


Dear Mr or Mrs.xxxxx

In response to your advertisement in the xxx, I would like to be considered for the xxx Assistant position.

In July 2009 I finished my college as Assistant for Economy and Forgeign Languages. Today I dispose of MS Office, Economy and three languages (ich denke auch im Englischen kann man nicht so ohne weiteres über MS-Office, Wirtschaft und Sprachen verfügen, sondern eher über (wie gute?) Kenntnisse in diesen Bereichen). Currently I am working in the Call Center of TUIfly to obtain first job experience, but I want to change my career. I am a teamplayer and I like to work in teams and want to be responsible for different kind of things_-_mainly I want to_bring my strength into your comapny: my language skills PUNKT

As you will see from my CV I lived in many countries KOMMA where I could developp my language skills. In Israel I worked on a Kibbuz, in the Netherlands I studied speech therapy KOMMA where we worked in groups and had to present the results in Dutch. In France I was a kind of a manager of a little french family and I organised the daily life. During my trainee at the college, I did an internship in Shanghai where I worked as a foreign language assistant at LIDA Polytechnics Institute. LIDA is an Amercian-Chinese College where I worked on a target group analysis for the marketing department. In that time I could receive a first impression of the Chinese-American working world and I was a helpful assistant for their research of the European market.

I possess an especially well-developed talent for communication and for dealing with people. If you are looking for a high motivated, flexible, open minded, language talented and marketing interested assistant I will be the right person for your team.

For further information, please feel free to contact me at any_time. I greatly appreciate your interest and I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Kindly Regards

[wellen]

Sorry - auch ich bin nicht mehr so fit, alsdass ich das Schreiben in gutem
Geschäftsenglisch zu Papier bringen könnte.

-In Frankreich war ich eine Art Betriebsleiter einer kleinen französischen Familie, und ich organisierte das tägliche Leben.-

Was ist denn das für ne Tätikeit ?

Gruss


wellen

[kat80]

Okay, so here is my response.
Please note that I am actually an american, so my answer is not starting with ("my english is not so good"...and then of coure the answer is crap)

I read the first 2 responses, DO NOT use them)

Dear Mr or Mrs.xxxxx (To Whom It May Concern)

In response to your advertisement in the xxx, I would like to be considered for the xxx Assistant position. ( I am writing in response to your advertisement in XXX on XXX for the position of XXX.)

In July 2009 I completed my degree at (name of) college or University where I majored in Economical Assistant and 3 Foreign Languages. (Today I dispose of MS Office, Economy and three languages. Dispose means to throw away and its just not a good sentence.) Currently I am employed at TUIfly Call Center to help me gain on the job knowledge / experience such as: working in teams, meeting sort notice deadlines, gaining responsibility in different job roles and working with all types of clients.

My education and background allow me to bring a responsible, task oriented team player to your company. (this is where you are going to want to go thru the job description and pick out 3 things that they require and explain how they fit to you)

As you will see from my CV (they read this and then your CV, leave this out)
During my (university studies?) I have had the privilege to have lived / travelled / worked) in several countries, where I was able to develop my language skills. ( this is in your cv or are your just repeating to use space) In Israel I worked on a Kibbuz, (explain) and in the Netherlands I studied speech therapy, the participants worked in groups of (# of people and where they came from) and had to present the results in Dutch. In France I was a manager for a smaller French family, where I learned to organize daily activities. During my time at XXX college, I participated in an internship in Shanghai working as a Foreign Language Assistant at the LIDA Polytechnics Institute. LIDA is an Amercian-Chinese College where I worked on a target group analysis for the marketing department. In that time I got my first impression of the Chinese-American business world and was a welcome assistant in researching the European market.

Your job description requests a highly motivated and flexible marketing assistant. I know that I am the right person for the job. I appreciate the chance to further discuss my skills and your open position in person.

Regards